so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize