very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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