pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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