so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
