Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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