There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
