do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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