My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
