South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
