You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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