I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
