Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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