if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
