My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
