Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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