So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
