Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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