i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
