Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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