12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
