Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
