I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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