why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
