My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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