My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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