the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
