my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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