Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
