you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
