Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
