Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Im part way to drunk.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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