Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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