when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
