And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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