Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
