The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize