You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
