We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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