My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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