im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
