i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
