I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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