If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
