Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wear drunk well.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
