Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
