i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize