he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
