I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it's like heaven, but drunker
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
