I hate all girls vehemently.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
