i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
