I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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