roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
this is an emotional support booty call
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
