I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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