I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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