It's like God shit irony all over that family
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
