Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
