Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize