I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I did not marry a roomba.
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