Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
