Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
