you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
