nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
