is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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