New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
