Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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