Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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