non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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