Porn is love you can see.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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