Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
