She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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