at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
