Jerry, you need to find god
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I will pee on everything he values.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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