i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
