oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize