dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
