I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Randomize
