if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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