he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
