after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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