If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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