If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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