Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
