She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
