white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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