4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
