One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
