My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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