what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
