Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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