also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize