i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pants are for mortals
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
