FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize