Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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