I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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