If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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