Sorry, I don't speak sober.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
