can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Drunk is not a location!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
