WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
