I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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