i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
