I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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