I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
