before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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