I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
