ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize