ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
